Teaching Your Teen to Drive Using the 9 Essentials

My oldest son passed his learner’s test this spring and now must spend the next 6 months figuring out how to actually drive safely. This is a new experience for our family, and it brings back memories of my experience of learning to drive as a teen… it’s interesting how I remember the stress, conflict, and insecurity of that process – and we all have seen the stereotypes of anxious parents freaking out as their kids try hard not to make mistakes (and the tension increases since mistakes are inevitable).
I wanted my teen to be able to enjoy the process of learning this new life skill and create great memories of spending time together with me – and I wanted to avoid stress and anxiety for me, too! This brought me to the Nine Essentials of the Anat Baniel Method® NeuroMovement®. I already knew that following these Nine Essentials improves my clients’ ability to rewire their brains and learn new patterns of behaviour; I regularly use them for studying new concepts myself, and now I wanted to see how I could implement these principles while driving with my teen.

1. Movement with Attention: Bring attention to both the physical and emotional experience of driving. I notice, and help him notice, how his body is moving (feet, hips, arms, head, etc) and sometimes pointing out stress or tension. Movements become more intentional, and unnecessary movement is reduced.
   
2. Slow: Break the driving skills into small bits. We practice one or two new skills each lesson and slowly build upon the learning of the previous lesson. When his brain gets tired with all the learning, we end the lesson – giving time to process and take it all in.
   
3. Variation: Use different locations to practice each skill, different times of day, etc. It’s more interesting for him, and keeps him more aware of the environment while integrating the essentials of driving that don’t change in new contexts.
   
4. Subtlety: Reduce the force of movements, thoughts and actions when giving out instructions. I work on keeping myself relaxed, using a calm voice, and also help him reduce the force and tension when steering or even just sitting – relax the shoulders, no need to drive with your shoulders up beside your ears!
   
5. Enthusiasm: Enjoy this time and look for the positives – radiate joy while celebrating the demonstrated skills and character. I try to build him up with encouraging words and with a loving spirit, and share his successes with the rest of our family when we get home – pointing out how he was brave, or remembered to signal before turning.
   
6. Flexible Goals: Enjoy the process instead of focusing on meeting arbitrary short term goals. Flexibility takes away the pressure to get it right the first time and the feeling of failure that can accompany this pressure. I have an idea of what we can work on, but I try to embrace the imperfections: “mistakes” actually create crucial distinctions that help him achieve the end goal. This attitude also makes it easier to take advantage of unexpected opportunities (like getting cut off by another driver – a valuable experience that you can’t plan for, and when it happened that was good enough for the day and I drove him home).
   
7. The Learning Switch: The brain needs to be in learning mode in order to learn a new skill. When my teen has a bad day, and is not in the frame of mind to have the learning switch on, I postpone the driving lesson and wait for a better time (and hopefully help him deal with whatever’s bothering him).
   
8. Imagination and Dreams: Prepare in advance if you will be trying a more difficult skill or route. Imagine this skill and the steps involved before setting out to do it. We planned in advance for my teen before driving on a busy highway – I helped him anticipate what it would be like, imagining what might be different. He could prepare mentally and imagine driving this route and how he could respond to other drivers – or just imagine the right timing for passing a slow driver without actually passing them (“see that space? That could give you enough room”). We also simulated passing imaginary cars when driving on a completely empty highway, changing lanes when no one was actually there.
   
9. Awareness: Be actively aware, as the parent, of emotions and physical experiences; doing and sensing as the teacher and passenger in the car. Being aware means I am present with my teen and with myself: noting what’s actually happening – what’s changing, and what’s staying the same. Instead of instinctively reacting, responding to what’s going on, and I encourage him to be aware of what he’s feeling, sensing and doing while driving.
   

I found that using the Nine Essentials, I was less stressed and was more present to the moment. My teen was less stressed as the pressure to perform was eliminated and we could move in the realm of what was possible. By building the skills slowly and building each skill based on what was learned the previous lesson, my teen gained confidence in himself and in the learning process – we could celebrate each success large or small and actually enjoy our time together!